My thoughts

Social escort concept doesn´t seem to work anymore. I don´t get any responses these days, not to talk about genuine ones. It might be just a summer thing or maybe my new webpage is too off-putting telling them not to hope for any intimacy. Maybe it´s not the best thing in this business to be 100% honest, but it´s my nature after all. I´m at the stage of my life when I hate all dominant men, especially the really chauvinistic and arrogant ones.

At the same time I´ve got difficulties to find enough regular nice men for my sessions. A few weeks ago, I decided not to meet George again. He used to be my most regular one but I can´t pretend that we are still friends like we were before. It´s strange. I used to believe he was a very kind and good guy, but I changed my opinion a few months ago.

Russ seems to be very interested in anything regarding myself now, but he travels too much and he does it just for the thrill and you never know how long he will enjoy it so I can´t rely on him at all. Sessions are pure fun and pleasure with someone you know, trust and like but otherwise it´s rather boring, depressing and time-consuming thing (talking mainly about all that related administration and PR).

I´m tired after spending the last 5 months working on my dissertation (which was, thanks god, evaluated really well) and now preparing for the final exams, but I´m mainly exhausted by spending so much time dealing with people - often with dull timewasters or offensive losers who contact me on a regular basis. I spend ages on internet, growing more and more depressed every day.

I decided to get a proper office job after all, doesn´t matter if part time or full time and keep the very few regulars I still have. I´m finishing my studies in 6 week time, moving to London so there´s no reason not to search for a regular job. I don´t think I´ll be happy either but I hope I´ll be lucky and will enjoy my job at least a bit. I would actually love to have a submissive boss, but how likely this is??? I have to admit, that I´m advertising for professional D/s kind of arrangement. Maybe I´m crazy, but it would be fun to combine serious work and fun....
We will see.

Jay - strap on session

Jay doesn´t look like a lot of fun, having always rather serious facial expression. In fact, he´s one of the kinkies guy I have met so far. I ordered a strap-on for our 2nd session. Jay has done it with an ex before while I am not experienced with this kind of kink at all. When I put the toy on me for the first time, it´s a really really awkward feeling. At the beginning we are both a bit unsure about the position, but then agree that the doggie one would suit best. It´s a bit difficult to get inside as the toy is a bit bendy, but with mutual effort we manage the penetration after a while. I almost feel like a guy now, fucking Jay wildly while he´s really excited and moaning loudly.
"I wish I was a man" I say after it´s over and half mean it.

Frankly, it´s cool to fuck your landlord with a strap-on instead of paying pricey rent... I consider myself very lucky to have discovered the BDSM lifestyle almost a year ago.

George, Raz

Yesterday was a sickening day. George was messing me around really badly, demonstrating power which he definitely doesn' t have over me. He decided not to meet up only because I needed to postpone the session a little bit as a consequence of really bad traffic that afternoon. He didn't let me clearly know and kept changing his mind. I was really upset and called him a "selfish bastard" in one of those messages we exchanged. I was thinking about quitting this arrangement a few times before so I didn' t hesitate to make him feel really bad. I was kind of upset myself as I used to consider him a well-mannered and nice guy, but that was obviously just a mask!! Anyway, I'm definitely being very serious about not giving him another chance as he has been really arrogant to me for some time.

Then I got a last minute booking from somebody who is a big fan of suffocation. I wasn't very keen to do it, but eventually I found myself in the weirdest possible situation - suffocating and stranggling Raz using plastic bags, clothes, scarfs, ropes, hands and feet. I was trying to do it as safely as possible but it was actually quite difficult as he was pushing my and his limits to the point when he was really panicking and struggling to get a bit of air. At the end he wanked himself off while his head was closed in a plastic bag. How sick can people get?

Faux pas

Something very embarrasing happened to me at uni today. We had a lecture about company, diplomatic and private visitcards a week ago. The teacher asked us to bring a few visitcards next time to talk about them. At the beginning of the lesson, I took a few visitcards out of my case and put them on my desk. I left just my personal ones inside. When the teacher was passing me, she spotted my nice aluminium card case and picked it up to show it to all the other people in the room saying something like: "every woman should have such a cardcase in her handbag while men can keep their visitcards in their jacket pocket". I was watching her in disbelief...she´s holding my cardcase full of my bdsm/fetish cards and then... All of a sudden she opened the case to have a quick look what´s inside before handing it finally back to me. Why did she do it? I have no idea but it was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life!

Sean

This time I advertised for a submissive man who would take me on exotic holiday and have met this guy. Sean is an interesting personality. Partly involved in his family business, he is also a full time teacher and studies to become a therapist. This requires him to go to a psychiatric hospital on a regular basis and work with the patients to get some experience. He also has smart hobbies and is good company. Sean yearns for a Mistress / slave relationship (despite being attached). I asked him to book my favourite Lebanese restaurant and bring a Selfridges gift voucher to our first date. He had no previous D/s experience so I was trying to explain to him how this kind of arrangement works.

On our next date I asked Sean to take me to 5* spa in Holborn I have been taken to by one of my American clients before. He was waiting for me while I was having my manicure and pedicure done. We had a bit of foot worship session at his place after. Next time we saw each other it was St. Valentine´s evening. I asked Sean to let me at his place in Kensington overnight as it was the day before I moved to Jay´s and didn´t want to sleep at Sandra´s place this last night. Sean kissed my boots after I arrived to his flat, cooked a lovely dinner and then prepared breakfast for me in the morning. He was sitting on the floor all the time while I was eating and chatting to him. I´m really impressed by both his genuinity and his level of submission.

Jay - my new place

BDSM lifestyle is fantastic! I decided not to live with Sandra anymore and get my own place instead. No, I can´t afford to pay for a nice room in a good area, but there must be a way how to get it for free. I advertise for this kind of deal - free accommodation where I can receive my clients in return for free BDSM sessions and possibly some social company. Crazy ad? Actually very clever. I received a few responses and met two of those guys. One of them is young, not really friendly, and lives outside London. The most off-putting thing about this man is, that he´s obviously looking for a girlfriend and there´s absolutelly nothing genuine about him. I would never ever commit to someone like him.

The other man, let´s call him Jay, is that annoying guy´s opposite. He´s just slightly over 30, a cute Indian professional working for an investment bank, completely normal, down to earth, trustworthy, easy-going nice single guy. Apart from his daytime job, he is also a landlord to a few local properties. He lives in a big house in Docks so after a cup of tea and an initial chat in a coffeeshop I go and see his place. "My" small but lovely completely furnished room has entrance to garden and private loo just next door (very convenient!!!), there´s also a laundry room and some space for luggage downstairs. Jay intends to convert garage into gym (also very convenient), he allegedly already bought some machines. There is kitchen and large living room with balcony on the first floor and two other bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (one for me - no more sharing!) and another spare room at the very top. A bit too much place for one busy professional who´s most of the time out of his property. He used to let "my" room for 160 quid a week. That´s a quite a refreshing idea to know that I will save this lots of money every week.

We sit down in the living room and chat, mainly about Jay´s experience with kinky stuff and I have to say that I´m really impressed. He has tried some very naughty things...you would never say. We agree that I will pay some reasonable deposit once I move in, but no rent or bills. I will have the house on weekdays basically just for me...no nosy flatmates and stuff, and what is also important is that it´s so unbelievably quiet here, completely residential area but still in a walking distance of station, shops and restaurants. I consider myself very VERY lucky to have met Jay.

George

George is another middle-aged regular I met in June 2007 after my arrival to London. He´s a bank director and his favourite activity is lying on the floor and kissing my feet, being trampled and nipple tortured. I used to really like him before I got to know him better and found out that he´s quite stingy, sometimes difficult, gets offended easily and is not always genuine. I would say that he means maybe less than half of what he says. He would be very keen on having a more social kind of arrangement but doesn´t really care about what I like doing socially or what my favourite venues are. He seems to be slightly selfish in comparison with those other guys I meet (ok, not more selfish than Greg, but Greg is a lovely young model!).

In fact (and that is a bit of problem for me) George is not submissive, but has this kind of fantasies as a consequence of being extremely in charge at work. The good thing about George is, that he´s quite regular and one of those annoying things about him is, that he´s no longer very grateful and respectful. Another fact is, that he believes we´ve got a kind of relationship. Ridiculous! I would never date somebody like him! If I wanted to date an older man, I would decide for Russ! I´m even thinking about getting rid of George him now. I do need the fee I get from him but I´m so fed up with him that I see only his bad sides now.